Tuesday, March 12, 2013

People sell these things…

Recently, a “Harriet Carter” catalog arrived via the US mail for me. I have no idea why I am the recipient of such a catalog. It looked amusing so I spent some time perusing it and found loads of “as seen on TV” items that I have never seen. A few of these items had hilarious illustrations or were generally weird. I want to share.

First, the curtains. Who hasn’t wanted to block out the backyard or the world in general and replace it with a beach scene or a garden path…?? Well, now you can by purchasing these curtains that show a faux outdoor scene. Classy.

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Speaking of classy, this “fanny” bank is just what every home needs. It actually makes a farting sound when you drop coins into it’s anus. As the witty catalog copy writers point out – it’s a “real gas.” This item is just the first of a few butt-centric things for sale.

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Perhaps I’m not being very sympathetic or just don’t spend enough time on the toilet, but the toilet footrest caught me by surprise. Particularly the use of the illustration; could we not figure it out otherwise? However, I was thrilled to see that the copy writers did work the word “stool” into the item’s description.

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I truly hope my range of motion doesn’t ever prevent me from wiping myself on my own. If it does, I’m relieved to know that there is an “ergonomically-designed bathroom aid” that can extend my TP reach. *AND* I can get two for $18.50!

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After one has wiped, why not whip out the “portable, easy-to-use hand bidet”? How European…

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Finally, as proof that Harriet Carter has its finger on the pulse of modern society, the catalog offers a cassette tape carrier! I don’t know about you, but most of my cassette tapes have long been sent to good will or have otherwise moved on. I don’t even keep CDs anymore now that I think about it.

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Anyway, go ahead and check out the Harriet Carter website for more useful, mostly as-seen-on-TV items.

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